Implosion Imminent?

My head is about to explode, or rather implode, due to the extreme outside pressure I am currently experiencing. I feel like if I were to spring a leak in my noggin it would resemble the bottom of the gulf as robots arms raced in to place the Top kill, and my brains slowly gushed to the floor. Thankfully, it would be a quick end noting the lack of cerebral matter in the grey goo.

It's funny how quickly you forget about the oil in the gulf when you realize you are losing touch with the two most important people in your life. My kids are growing, and along with that growth comes the realization for me that I am not go to agree with many of their decisions.

Some are cut and dry, like my son egging a person vehicle because the man told him to stay off from a trampoline. Obviously, no matter what your reasoning, egging someone's property is tantamount to vandalism. Some reactions to a situation are just not okay no matter the wrong you feel was done to you.

Take terrorism, for instance. I have a friend who believes the terrorists are justified in killing innocent people because they have no other way to fight back against the grave injustices currently being thrust upon them by the west. I say that is bullshit.

I think a lot of people in this country feel guilty about America being so very powerful, as though this power we have would somehow be put to better use if Middle Eastern countries possessed it. Could you imagine a world in which Iran and Iraq had the nuclear weapons and the rest of us had to succumb to their will?

Do you honestly believe those countries would ensure we had food and medicine? Do you think they'd ensure our individual rights were preserved if they had all of the guns? Jesus, this world is on full blown, chip spewing, pocket digging TILT!

Don't forget this basic truth. We are ambivalent, they are tyrannical.

I can't believe I got off on that tangent. Wow, how the mid wanders when you don't want to face facts.

My son, yes, my son. My son, the egg thrower. I wanted to beat him so badly, I was very angry with him, but thankfully I did not. I am still angry with him, but I'm trying to understand. I'm petrified that I am failing as a parent, that my son does not understand the difference between right and wrong. That very thought woke me up in the middle of the night.

He's grounded right now, no computer, no friends, up in his room hopefully thinking about his actions. I've done a lot of yelling since last night, and I'm sure it is ineffectual as a deterrent to anti social behavior. SO, I'll let him stew for a while in his room, essentially locking him in. I hope he hates it up there.

Being a parent is difficult, at best. I can see why people just check out. Parents give in, and the kids very often fall into a pattern of bad behavior often times ending in prison or death. Am I sounding a tad dramatic? Well, this is serious drama to me.

I'm scared I am failing, once again, at an undertaking that seemed easily attainable when I began it. Professional golfer, failed. Life insurance underwriter, unhappy, quit, failed. Mortgage salesman, failed. Professional poker player, slowly failing. Father, as of today, failing.

My daughter wants nothing to do with sports in school. She is a talented soccer player. I have no clue of how to get her to understand how much fun playing on a sports team can be. I've told her many times, but she cares more about friends and her ability to text them at any time, from any place.

I suppose I have to threaten to take her phone away and force her to play soccer? I have told her if she doesn't play soccer she has to do something else. She must be doing some sort of extra-curricular while in high school. I know, from experience, that extra-curricular activities were the only thing that kept me out of trouble during my high school years.

I'm clueless here. Seriously. I have no answers that I can say are absolute. This is not math. If this were math we'd be able to come to an exact conclusion on how to handle the situation. Or, at least be able to realize the best course of action given any situation. It's not math.

I can see why some parents just give up. They allow their kids to do what they want, when they want, with whomever they want. All control is lost. It is the easiest path. That is failure in my book.

I'm not giving up. There is no way I'm quitting on these two kids. I think they are basically good, and that is at least something.

"I want, I want, I want" had better start to sound like "May I please" pretty damn quick. I ain't raising no terrorists.

I'm out.