Donkey Kong

I am such a DONKEY! For those of you not familiar with poker lingo a donkey is someone who plays poker badly. Donkey's make the worst plays, and lose a lot of money. It's almost unfathomable as to how badly I can play the game of poker sometimes. This is not self deprecating humor here, my friends, this is me giving an honest review of my play during the 5 1/2 hours I spent at the local card room today.

I have to admit though, early on I played very solid, if not flawless, poker. I really never got much in the way of cards to get very involved with. I spent the first couple hours either limping and folding to a raise, or getting to see a cheap flop and then folding because I missed completely. It's hard to lose a lot of money like that, but it is disheartening and can lead to frustration, which can lead to impatience, which leads to over playing a hand and losing far more than you ever should with that pair of sixes and your 4 kicker.

But, I was playing pretty good, and I kept my head, and my stack dwindled, then I'd win a small pot and get back to even. This went on for a while until I got to limp in with the 7c8c, no one raised, and I flopped a straight flush. I'm not sure If I've ever flopped a straight flush before, but I did today. Of course, I've only been playing for about 12 years, and only nearly everyday for the past 5. A woman also flopped three of a kind tens (a set of tens) in the hand, and another guy also flopped a flush. Needless to say, we got the money in and I tripled up.

Had a second 10 hit the board on the turn card (4th street) or the river (5th street) we would have hit the Bad Beat Jackpot. It's about 150k right now, and my straight flush would have won me 1/4 of that amount. Quick math people, what's 1/4 of 150k? Easy way to figure it? half of 150 is 75 and half of that is 37 or so. I would have won about $37,500. That would have been ok.

That's pretty easy math, huh? That's about as difficult as the math gets in the game of poker. But, still it took years of practice to be able to keep track of the money in the pot, and figure out my chances of winning, and figure in the amount of the bet, and see if I'm getting the right price to continue. Some people may have picked it up right away, but I took a little while to be able to do it quickly. Some people who I know have been playing for years barely pay any attention to pot odds. Strange really, I guess they do it by feel. I think they lose a lot of the time, but I could be wrong.

Back to why I am a donkey...

I steadily built up my stack all day long. I was ahead about $450, and feeling pretty good because, other then the straight flush, not much was happening. I was picking up pots with moderate hands, and stealing pots it looked like no one wanted. Then, it happens. I look down to see AA. American Airlines, the atomic bombs. The best starting hand you can get. What did I do to deserve this? Life is pretty good.

Someone actually raised in front of me, and I was on the button. I make it $50 to go, and he, Ronnie, calls. It's heads up, and I'm going to win a nice pot, especially if he hits a little something. The flop comes king high with two small clubs. Ronnie checks and I bet $75. He calls immediately. It looked, for a moment, like he was going to bet before me on the flop. I think he has a king. This is good, I can milk him along and win a nice pot here.

The turn card is a king.

Not good. Ronnie checks and I want to bet, to find out for sure if he has the king, but I check along. His checking has thrown me off though, I can't help but think he has a king. But, there is a sliver of doubt creeping into that crevice in the back of my brain. It's way back there where most of my bad ideas form.

The river card is a blank (a card that probably doesn't matter).

Ronnie grabs a handful of chips and sticks them into the middle. I ask the dealer for a count and the bet is $105. This is no good. By checking the turn I have opened the door for Ronnie to bluff, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be bluffing here. I can't help but think he might be bluffing because I've played with him before, and seen him bluff many times. At least I want to believe that.

The real reason I end up calling is because I cannot believe that King came out on the turn. I was already starting to tilt, and bad play Eric was trying to come out. Ronnie shows three kings and I lose.

The very next hand three Kings come on the board. It reads K, K, K, 6, 3. Ronnie checks on the river and I decide to make a horrible play and bluff $105 into a pot of $225. I have ace high, and Ronnie calls with pocket tens, giving him a full house. I lose. I have tilted off about $300 in five minutes.

I am livid at myself. I am seething inside. I fight the urge to freak out, and instead just sit there. Ronnie, of course, always the gamesman, says to me "Why did you do that? You KNOW I WAS CALLING! How long have you been playing with me,ten years? I ALWAYS call!! You know that!!" Followed by loud laughing. He is loving it, and he is trying to make me lose it.

Right here is about the time that Old Eric would start calling Ronnie the donkey. Thinking about it.... that would be rather foolish, don't ya think?

All I can do is smile, and say "you're right". I lean back in my chair and wonder if jumping off a three story building would kill me. I decide it's more likely to mess me up really bad, and I'd probably live through it. I stay seated.

I played on after that. I knew I had screwed up. The only thing to do, after a talk with myself, was to plow forward. So, I stayed and actually won almost all of the money back that I had lost in those two hands. Unfortunately, that's not the point. That $300 is gone. Ronnie's got it, and he'll probably not hang onto it for long, losing it instead to someone else. But, I lost it first. Shit.

Jesus. Some days blow.