Dominican Death Club

I recently had the wonderful opportunity to take a vacation with my wife, Michelle. She had been awarded a trip to the Dominican Republic for a thing called Club Excellence. Apparently, others are also aware she possesses some good qualities. Out trip was to an all-inclusive resort on the eastern coast of the DR. I was looking forward to living as though money had no meaning. Anything I needed was going to be there at my beck and call.

The flight down was more or less uneventful. I met some of Michelle's workmates, and it was pretty cool, I suppose. I don't know if I really want to be honest of my feelings towards the people she works with since there is a rather black history at the core of my concern. I don't know who knows what, but some crappy stuff happened. Michelle and I have moved past it all, but hey, some feelings take longer to completely fade away. Everyone I met, that she knew from Jax, were very nice and seemed like cool, and genuine people. I had a bad attitude that week anyhow, and it all came about from something that happened the very first night there.

M and I went to a cocktail party. We hung out with her direct boss and her husband. They were both nice people and we chatted and drank, and drank, and talked, and the appetizers tasted like someone's ass. I'm serious. Now, I'm sure some of you can already see a fateful pattern developing. Some of you are smart. Some of you may just be thinking "so, the food sucks, I'm a fat ass anyhow, I don't need to eat". If you were thinking that then you would have been thinking as I was that very eventful evening.

The drinking and chatting continued, and I went to the restroom. The restroom was down a flight of outdoors stairs. It had been raining lightly that evening. I noticed the damp steps and made a note of it as we were going to have to leave by that same route. I could feel a good drunk coming on and I figured if I could negotiate those stairs I would be home free to the safety of our huge, soft, beautiful bed in our estate like resort room. It even had a jacuzzi, and it was fine.

we had a couiple more drinks and then someone mentioned food. It may have been me, it probably was, but that's not important right now. We left to go find something to eat and M's boss's husband made soe remark about slapping the ass of some high ranking person withing their company and then his wife started getting on him. Now, I can remember when Michelle and I used to do this sort of thing. It was odd and uncomfortable, because he got mad that she was mad and they were both in a mad, bad mood. So, to any of my friends, present or past, who have witnessed this sort of thing, and I can think of plenty of occassions, I apologize.

I still remembered those damn slippery lawsuit laden steps, though. I had M hold my arm as we started down the stairs, and I had hold of the railing with my right arm. How in the hell I still managed to slip is beyond me, but if someone died on these stairs that evening I would not have been surprised. I caught myself, and M also had hold of me (she later claimed), with my right arm on that railing. I could have been the dead one. Instead we had a good laugh about how stupid drunk I was to slip after warning all within ear shot. Crisis averted, for the time being.

We went to eat pizza at a restaurant in the resort. I think I may have had a slice, maybe. It tasted like cardboard. I'm telling you the food was atrocious. We did not eat at the good restaurants because we are not smart. We ate at the dinner parties. Don't do that. Make the time to go to a good restaurant. I don't know how to act well off. I admit it. I need more practice. I hope she wins again next year.

We then went to the casino, and I gambled briefly. They had no poker room, so I played blackjack for about thirty minutes and won $15. Well, at least I didn't do something totally irresponsible, like blow a grand or two. I was drunk, but everything was under control.

I realized I was having a hard time negotiating my way to the rest room. I hope you know by now that I had had a drink in my hand since 8 PM and it was fast approaching 2 AM. I was getting to that point of drunkenness when faculties begin to fade.

It begins to get difficult to focus your eyes on things. The wall always seems closer than it really is. Pissing straight is a near impossibility. The first syllable in the sentence you wish to speak is never pronounced quite right. walking in a straight line was gone a half an hour ago.

Still, I recognized all of this and knew it was time to head for the room. Now, to find that pesky M. Ahh, there she was, sitting in a chair with one of the guys she works with. They looked cozy. I tried to forget about it though and instead just told her I was headed to the room. Thankfully, she got up and came with me. I was feeling great, and M looked great, and we had laughed all night long. It had been a great start to our vacation.

We both went promptly to sleep. ok, so it wasn't the evening I had quite planned, but it was really fun none the less. There was plenty of time in the week for other kinds of fun.

It was pretty hot when I woke up, and I was sort of sweating. I can't be sure, but M may have told me to close the door. The air conditioning would not turn on if the sliding glass door was open, and it was. I got up to walk towards the door and.....WOW!!!!

That sort of hurt. My thoughts drifted to the golf course we were playing the next morning. It was located on the ocean, and if the pictures of the Pete Dye design were anything like the real thing then we were in for a treat. I love golf probably more than anything else outside of the relationships I share with my friends and family. It is my most favorite passion, with poker coming in a close second. Deer hunting, for me, had been replaced by poker. Except, you can win a lot of money playing poker.

I looked up and could see I was out of the bed. I don't know how I got there but I was pretty sure I needed to get back. So, I crawled back into bed. The clock read 3:30 am. Room service was coming in three hours. I was still quite drunk. I hadn't done this in probably ten years?

I awoke again because my shoulder was sore. In fact, now that I was awake I realized it was really sore. It felt like it should be broken. My head hurt too. Not a headache, per se. But rather like I had been hit the head. I felt my head and could feel an egg shaped lump jutting out near my hairline, about where I part my hair on the left side of my head.

What did I do? I woke Michelle up and was telling her loudly that I had done something to myself because I think my shoulder is broken! She asks me what time it is. This makes me chuckle, now, as I sit in retrospect. I tried to look at the clock, but my shoulder was killing me. I forced myself to move. I could move, so I thought that a good sign. There was a sort of lump on my shoulder, but hey, I was mobile. The clock showed 4:45.

Michelle told me to go back to sleep and we'd see about it in the morning. She was right. Sleep was good. My shoulder hurt, but I took some alleve and went back to sleep.

I believe I fell down to steps that lead from the bedroom to the balcony, and the same level as the jacuzzi. I was very lucky I did not kill myself. I never touched a stair as I fell forward because the lump was near the top of my head, and the top of my left shoulder was intensely painful.

For whatever reason, but I believe there must be one, I am still alive. Twice that night I could have died. Needless to say, there was less drinking, for me. The trip was wonderful, and it allowed M and I to get closer than we have been in many years.

I just can't stop thinking about one thing. Why, if she is always so cold, did she want me to shut the door so the air conditioner would kick on? And, what was that grabbing my ankle when I got out of bed?

I'm kidding. I think so anyway. Sometimes I remember it like that. Is my head playing tricks on me? I guess so.